Words are power. In a relationship words can and do make the difference between a failed relationship and a great lasting love. During those first hot months when you can’t get enough of each other words help cement your relationship. Once you’ve settled into your relationship words will make sure it stays healthy…
In that early stage, we’re flushed with that feeling of elation. It’s like a drug they say, and that’s because the brain is pumping out oxytocin which produce the same feeling as some drugs and interestingly chocolate! During this early stage it seems like you and your spouse will be together forever, and words don’t seem to matter. Even if you hear something which might normally cause you to think twice, your body’s chemical torrent will sweep you right past.
Once the relationship gets past that early stage though, when the relationship becomes serious and a permanent fixture in your life, it’s *then* that the power of words can be seen, and they undoubtedly have the power to make or break the relationship.
It’s important to keep saying the nice things you like about your spouse. During the early stage you will have said those nice things over and over, but his/her own feeling of elation meant that you could have been reading out the phone book and it would have felt the same!
If you tell your spouse what you like best about him or her after the relationship has settled in, it’s much more likely to sink in. Thinking that your spouse knows how you feel is a mistake. Although he/she probably *does* know, there is nothing like actually hearing it to boost someone’s esteem. Positive re enforcement is a powerful mechanism! When you’re in a relationship it’s easy to stop noticing the good things and get overwhelmed by the negatives. Make a conscious effort to note the good things you like about your partner or things they do.
Even more important is to not let the negatives become habit. The odd negative here, the odd criticism there, and it soon builds up from a trickle to a constant stream. There are plenty of ways to ask your partner for something using positive words. The key is to avoid putting your spouse down or using any negative words. Starting with a compliment or something like “I really enjoyed what you did last night…” can really help. Avoid attacking or laying blame on your spouse!
The problem is that it’s much easier to just blurt out the negatives, but what this does is to build up layer on layer of negativity on top of the positive base of the relationship, and at some point the positive base will disappear, leaving nothing *but* the negative.
Try to compliment your spouse at least once a day. Find one thing that you can make a positive comment about, and then make it! Don’t assume anything, it’s always nice to hear good things! When a negative comment is on your lips, stop yourself and think how to use more positive words instead.
Those simple steps can stop the drip of negativity becoming catastrophic to the relationship, and turn the drip into a supply of positivity for a flourishing relationship.
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